Monday, November 19, 2007

On Men and Women

This blog gets a lot of traffic via search engines, something I'm sure must be true of most blogs out there. Because I have written a few times about male/female relationships, it comes as no surprise to me that individuals seeking information that would help them understand the opposite sex might end up on my blog. Gleaned from just the last couple of days, and listed below, are just a few of the search strings that landed the seeker at The Atavist:
  • what every man wants in a woman
  • man wants a woman to need him
  • male remembers things about a woman
  • we're both looking for something
. . . and numerous other variations on the theme.

In the interest of helping these poor souls believe that they are making some progress in their understanding of their lovers or spouses or stalking targets, I offer here some additional insights into what makes both men and women 'tick.' I am as much an expert on the subject as anyone else, because I too, like other commentators, simply guess at what might be true and then count on the fact that my ponderings are written in this medium to make them official.

Ready? I'll take whatever characteristics or behaviours pop into my mind, and I'll tell you my opinion about whether they might be predominately male or female. If you're looking for order or some sort of cohesion in my list, there isn't any.
  • Anger: This is a male thing. We get angry at stuff. Then we settle down and things revert to normal, usually very quickly.
  • Fury: Definitely female. Why waste time being simply angry when you can work up a good fury instead. It lasts longer, is more intense, and is harder to overlook.
  • Frustration: Male. We don't like it when things don't work, don't move, don't co-operate. We like progress to be made and when there is none, we get frustrated.
  • Acceptance: Male. When we realize that we can't change it, or her, we are more likely to accept things the way they are. We may not like it, but the male approach is usually to tough it out.
  • Tears: Female. Women cry. Sometimes, tears bring out the protective side of men and we then try to make things better for our female counterparts. We find tears unsettling. When we feel that tears are being used to manipulate us, we get pissed off.
  • Back-stabbing: I know that men are mostly thought of as ruthless, even vindictive, in business and commerce, but in the arena of personal relationships, women win (lose?) hands down. In general, women will turn on their friends, lovers, husbands, family, quicker and with more energy than males.
  • Puns: Men. If there is a bad pun hanging around, you can bet it came from a male. If there is a risque element to it, there is no doubt whatever.
  • Yelling: Male. Men get angry. When they get angry they are likely to yell. There is a critical mass of words that the average male will yell and when that is reached, the yelling stops.
  • Screaming: Female. Females scream not only when there is a mouse in the room, but for emphasis and even for attention. The more emphasis that is needed, the louder is the screaming. There appears to be no limit to the number of words that can be screamed by an angry woman.
  • Memory: Female. Females have much better memory than males. They remember everything that has ever happened to them, everything that has ever been said to them, and by whom.
  • Memory (misuse of): Female. Women remember all the things that someone did to them, didn't do for them, said to them or didn't say to them, and these memories may be dredged up at any time, often to be used as evidence to bolster their position in a current argument.
  • Loyalty: Male. Men tend to stick by (and stick up for) their friends and relatives more often than do women.
  • Reason: Male. Men tend to think things through more logically, except when it comes to women, sex, cars and sports.
  • Emotion: Female. Women do things because they feel right and tend to empathize with others more so than men.
  • Sarcasm: Female. If you can remember the most sarcastic thing you have ever heard anyone say, there is a pretty good chance that it was uttered by a woman. Sarcasm is the equivalent of hitting below the belt when used in an argument.
  • The Big Picture: Male. Men think big, even if they never actually act on their dreams. Bigger is better to most males.
  • The Little Picture: Female. Women are the master of the detail. Want something complicated done? Give it to a woman. They will not only do it right, but find details that would never occur to a man.
  • Pouting: It's a tie, sort of. If it has anything to do with sex, it will be a male. If it is anything else, anything at all, it will be a female.
  • Confusion: Female. A male will rarely admit to confusion, even if he can't tell right from left, up from down, or his ass from his elbow. A woman will more readily admit confusion and will at least be honest about it.
  • Demonstrative Behaviour: Female. Women have no problem with hugging or kissing in public, whereas men are often embarrassed by such behaviour.
  • Inappropriate Demonstrative behaviour: Guess.
  • Laconic: Male. Most men economize with their spoken words. It saves their vocal chords for the whooping and hollering at sports events or monster truck rallies.
  • Voluble: Female. If it's worth saying once, many women think it is worth saying twice and thrice and more.
Now . . . remember that this is an opinion blog. My opinion. If you disagree, I would love to read your take on the items I have listed and on any others you can think of. I think it would be fun to read female opinions, in particular. Do you agree? Disagree? Why?


  1. What's funny is that a lot of the female traits fit my husband, and the male traits are me. We're odd, that way.

  2. Exceptions to the rule? Variety makes the world go round, phlegmfatale. If we all fit a particular mold, the world would be a pretty dull place. Based on your blog posts, I have to agree that you seem to be logical, a 'big' thinker, and that you have many of the other traits I characterized as typically 'male.'

    I'm not a big fan of generalizations, generally (hey, wasn't that a generalization?) but I actually think there is at least some truth to my observations.

    I'm curious to see who else might contribute some thoughts on this subject.

  3. I'm not a screamer or a loud arguer. I think you have these pretty spot on, though.

  4. I have never been a fan of the 'heated exchange,' Jean. I am a big fan, however, of anyone, male or female, who knows where the volume switch should be set, and who knows when to hit the mute button. Good for you.

  5. *yawn*

    Sorry about that, it's just that every time I come across this topic anywhere, I end up fighting sleep.
    Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it and hated every minute of it.
    Thanks, but since damn-near all the women of my generation have their heads full of that "strong, independent, liberated" feminstaazi lesbian crap, I'll pass.
    Getting "too old" for things is good: I was glad to get the letter from Selective Service that said I was too old for drafting. Similarly and more intensely, I'm hoping to hear sometime soon that I'm too old to catch a "good" woman/for the foolishness of dating.
    Believe it or not, it's better than being constantly told that no matter what you do, it isn't enough...Ladies, religion has that area adequately covered so please feel free to drop it!

  6. Galt: Although I have had my share of dating (and marriage)disasters, I have been married for nearly 24 years now to a woman with whom I am happy and with whom I can be myself, and she herself. And I have met other women along the way who were bright, interesting and stable.

    The fact is that there are numerous nearly universal differences between men and women and the trick is to find a match where both partners cut the other some slack. That is easier said than done, as you and I both know.

    Interestingly, some of my best friends have been women. I'm not much for talking about cars and sports and my friendships with women have allowed me to converse about a lot of other things that I found much more interesting. Not all women are only interested in relationships, babies, fashion and makeup.

    Of course, dating or marriage can have other fringe benefits that are perhaps best left to the imagination here in this (more or less) family-rated blog.

  7. The frustrations of dating are many, I agree. Often enough to say 'never again', but in spite of myself, I keep looking. Not really searching, just trying to pay attention in the hopes of not missing a treasure :)

  8. I do believe that there are 'treasures' out there, Jean, both male and female, but it sure is difficult to find one.

  9. thing I can wholeheartedly concur with is tears. But, most of the time they're totally accidental. Not a minipulation, just an embarrassment.

    The other stuff? I think it varies. I know that you won't find a male more loyal than I am.

    One of the things I like best about you, Sieg, is that you are not afraid to tell it how you see it. And, that's a good thing.

    Male: Honest

  10. Thanks, Bellezza. These things are based on my observations and I can't claim to have met (or even heard about second hand) the traits of enough women to create a valid, scientific statistical universe. Still...

    Whatever the case, I can't imagine a world without women.

  11. of my pet peeves is when anyone, male or female, starts a statement with "ALL men/women...".
    I usually say something sarcastic (!) along the line of, "Wow, you know ALL men/women???"
    Even if it doesn't shut them up, it slows them down long enough for me to walk away.

  12. Ah... would patting or pinching the hinnie be considered Inappropriate Demonstrative behavior? I guess I'm that one female that would be listed under that category. :o) I just can't keep my hand off my Knight.

    I would have to agree with you comment on back stabbing. I personally have not experienced this but my Fair Maidens have. Young teenagers are exceptionally vicious when they back stab. Very sad.

    I always enjoy reading your posts. You share what you think and ask others to comment without judging them. That's rare.

  13. Jean: I agree. Or negative statements that begin "You always...", the implication is that you don't have a redeeming bone in your body and can never do anything right.

    Ladyg~: Thanks. I don't think your example is really inappropriate, more simply demonstrative... unless you're in church or someplace like that. I think your hubby must be flattered by your attention.

    It is never my place to judge, more simply to try and make sense of a world which doesn't always want to be reduced to simple equations, axioms or corollaries.