Busybodies and the Nanny State

There is clutter in my garage. I intend to something about it. Soon. I don't know where all the stuff comes from. I suspect that there is a world-wide conspiracy to drop junk off at my place. It is probably connected somehow to the vast right-wing conspiracy that Hillary Clinton and other loony lefties used to rail about. At least, in my case, I have real evidence. There is stuff I don't remember buying. How else would it get into my garage, unless someone else put it there?

OK. I'm kidding, I think. There is one thingamajig that I do remember buying, even though it was over eleven years ago. Why? Because I broke the law by buying it and smuggling it into Canada from the United States. I don't know what the thing is called, because the logo and other identifying marks were worn off years ago, by the activities of a growing and very active boy, my son. The thing is sort of an enclosed chair on wheels for infants. Long before they can walk, kids can use it to scoot around the house, propelling themselves with their feet. It's a great invention. I hope whoever designed the thing made a gazillion dollars. He or she deserves it.

Not everyone agrees with me. The government of Canada doesn't. Assorted busybodies and misguided do-gooders must have lobbied, I imagine, to make these things illegal. Why? Because a child might get hurt by launching himself down the basement stairs. I love my son. I certainly wouldn't want him to get hurt. I solved any potential danger by keeping the basement door closed. I guess the busybodies were so busy trying to think of ways to annoy me and other responsible people that they didn't have enough mental horsepower left to think of that.

Given that the device is illegal in Canada but not so (as far as I know) in the United States, Canadians might draw the conclusions that they love their children more than Americans do. Americans might conclude that they are brighter and more responsible than Canadians, because they can take care of their kids without the intervention of the state.

They would all be wrong. My American friends love their kids just as much as I do. My Canadian friends are just as responsible as I am. Who, exactly, are these laws directed at?

My son loved the thing. It gave him mobility. It kept him amused. He would careen around the house at full tilt, hollering to me: "Chase, Daddy, chase.' Being a good daddy, I did what I was asked. I chased him around the house and a good time was had by all. When there was cooking going on, my wife and I locked the wheels on the device so he couldn't move from wherever we put him. We kept the counters clear of anything that might fall down and hurt him. We did all the things that anyone with half a brain would do to protect their child.

Some years ago, we had a village-wide yard sale where we live and forgetting that the device was illegal in Canada, I placed it on our front yard for sale. A fortyish female bargain-seeker wandered over and, just loud enough so that everyone nearby could hear, she said something like: "Don't they know that thing is illegal in Canada? A child could get killed." The expressed sentiment was accompanied by that pursing of the lips that is peculiar to the self-righteous. I imagined her rectum similarly clenched and her mind closed to all but ideas pronounced suitable to be held by the Government of Canada.

There was no husband or boyfriend in evidence; the woman was accompanied by a female friend. Since she wasn't wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with "A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle," I can only surmise that no man would have her. Who would want a mate or lover like that? If she insists on running the lives of strangers and doing her best to make them miserable, think about what life must be like with such a person 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Hell on earth. I can't even imagine that.

Why do some people insist on telling everyone else how to run their lives? Do they really see the rest of us as incompetent, stupid and irresponsible? Maybe they do. Or maybe they just don't trust themselves to be competent, intelligent and responsible. If there is a law against something, choices are limited to obey or not obey. If there is no law to make the decision that simple, complicated thoughts must be formed. Decisions must be made, based on ever-changing circumstances: Can my child harm himself using this device? If so, what do I have to do to keep him safe? Hmmm... I could close doors, bar areas with exposed steps, whatever it takes.

Choices, choices, choices. Busybodies don't trust themselves. Because they are insecure and have a low opinion of themselves, they do their level best to make the rest of us miserable too.

It ain't gonna work, folks. Before anyone is tempted to tell me how to run my life, get a life of your own. Take care of yourself and your family and leave me alone. I don't need your help. I do just fine, all by myself.

So, that thingie is still in my garage. Should I throw it away? I can't sell it because some moron might buy it, kick their child down the stairs in a fit of anger or frustration, then sue me because I should have known better than to sell them a dangerous and illegal device.

Or maybe I will just keep the thing handy for the fifteen or twenty years until my son has children of his own. If his kids will be anything like he was, he will thank me.

And he and his kids will be just fine, thank you very much. They will be too busy minding their own business to stick their noses into anyone else's. The world has enough busybodies already.