I was channel-surfing yesterday evening and came across some TV show called Ex-Wife's Club, or something like that. I watched it for several minutes and had to turn it off in disgust. I don't know what the rest of the show was about, but the snippet I saw featured the idea of revenge or 'getting even' as part of the transition from being married to going on with your life after a divorce.
What the hell is wrong with people? Just because someone is mean and vindictive to us, does that mean that we should be as unprincipled and childish in response? Do we have to sink to the same level as those who have no moral fibre or who don't adhere to even the most minimal principles of acceptable behaviour?
I have long found it alarming that this sort of thing is increasingly considered normal and even laudable. Divorces often bring out the worst in people. While the exes are taking shots at each other, their lawyers get rich because of all the bickering and acrimony. And what about the kids? They, naturally, pay the biggest price of all. They see mom and dad playing each other. They see the hate, the blood-lust, the pettiness of it all. They live through the resultant stress and disharmony. They suffer because the grown-ups in their lives, the very people who should be setting a shining example for them, can't get over their snits and act rationally.
My friend Karen Selick, a Canadian lawyer and columnist, has obviously given this all some thought. She is founder and past president of the Quinte Collaborative Law Association. If you have ever been through a divorce, or know someone who is about to divorce, you should read this page. It might steer the way to more responsible behaviour and to fruitful solutions for both parties to any breakup. And the kids will benefit too.
Good going, Karen. You have always been a thinker of note and I like what you're doing!
For anyone interested, Karen has written numerous published articles on matters of human interaction and they are well worth reading. Find them here: