Do you ever feel the way I have been feeling lately? I feel antsy and impatient. I feel apprehensive, but about what, I don't know. I feel claustrophobic, hemmed in. I'm not at all sure that these diverse feelings should ever reside in the same person and at the same time. Perhaps that is why I have this pervasive feeling of disquietude.
I'm really not sure what's up. Things are going well in my life. I have very little to complain about. I am healthy. I have enough (maybe too much) to eat. I have heat when I'm cold, and air conditioning when I'm hot. I have a good family and good employees. Maybe it's just that fabled 'spring fever' that is supposed to make its appearance at this time of year.
I need some adventure. I want some excitement. But I don't want any nonsense. I have very little tolerance for unnecessary complications in my life at the best of times. I want fairness and reason. I want perfect balance in everything that touches me.
Aha! Maybe that's it. I met with my accountant over the weekend and got notice of how much more income tax I will have to send to our insatiable government. Why, if I am not getting a tiny percentage of value for what I have already paid in income tax, should I have to send them even more? That definitely isn't perfect balance.
Sure, that hurts. But that's not 'it,' either. No, there is something else. Something's up and I can't put my finger on it.
Is it the idiocy of all the bleating masses, clamouring for more of everything except for what they might actually have to do, to earn the rewards they seek? Is it the genuine pain and suffering of those innocents who happen to be in the middle of the latest atrocities, applied at the hands of despots and tyrants everywhere?
What is it?
I don't know what it is. I just feel like I need to get away, sit down under a tree somewhere and contemplate life. Or maybe just get away, even without the tree and the pondering, just to be somewhere else and do something different.
That must be it.
I'm off to Panama again, in a little more than two weeks. Maybe that's what I need.